Guest Review! The Liquormen’s Ol’ Dirty Canadian Whisky By AJ

img_1441Simon – So I feel a little bad about this one. I bought this bottle on my way through Calgary and hadn’t noticed the Trailer Park Boys logo at the top. I got home, tried a dram and flinched. This was a job for our contract Bad Whisky Expert AJ, writer of the hilarious Proof review & companion piece. Check out his site, and enjoy this review of a bottle of self-harm.

The “Trailer Park Boys:Liquormen’s Ol’ Dirty Canadian Whisky “ is high concept and low quality. Is this a post modern realization of the show’s white trash nihilism? Or a crass cash grab involving three day old whisky and Canadian nostalgia? It’s hard to say, but I made my wife smell the cap and it gave her a headache. I’m not looking forward to this.

Taste: There is a rank burning that fills the nose and mouth, yet never hits the throat. I think it’s diffusing directly into my blood. My left eye is going numb and colours are fading, as if my other senses are staging a sympathy strike to protest the abuse of my olfactory system.

Smell: Imagine a man scouring the decal off the hood of his corvette with paint thinner and steel wool, while his harridan wife leans on the bumper laughing and removing decades of nail polish from her corn ravaged toes.

Neat: The burn has now descended to my throat, it mirrors the acid scorch of vomiting stomach bile. I can’t tell if the “whisky” has caused immediate damage or  altered my state to the point that I can perceive the near future.

Splash: It helped a little. Like being dragged behind a car at 35mph instead of 40. And yet, it makes the rides that much longer.

Ice:  I would drink drain cleaner from the barrel of a loaded gun before I’d take another sip of this.

Liquormen’s Ol’Dirty Canadian Whisky – 40% 750ml – $35.00 – Canada

Try it?. If one person so much as overhears a conversation on the bus about this poison…because of my review, I have failed as a human being.

Buy it? You should not.

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