Platte Valley 3y Straight Corn Whiskey with Dan, Bowick & Ryan

Another border hop, another duty free… uh, find? Doesn’t seem like the right word here. This is like something out of Dungeons & Dragons, a ceramic jug of curses & concentrated goblin farts. Platte Valley 100% Straight Corn Whiskey. Straight in this case meaning distilled not higher than 80 proof and casked for a minimum of 2 years at not stronger than 60someodd proof. Someone aged this for three years. That is a little surprising.

Platte appears to have stopped bothering to age things at all, however. Looking at their website there are only two ‘shines available – a fireball clone and 3 sizes of corn shine jugs. This is kind of unfortunate – Platte is a product of McCormick Distilling, which is the oldest, continuous distillery in America (places that started before were moved or shut down for periods of time). This is an angle the company does not seem interested in pursuing, happy to occupy a “value” budget niche.

Or at least that’s what their Wiki page says, but that also fails to mention the Platte brand at McCormick’s at all. If you go to MinistryOfDrinks they say it sat fallow for 30 years; maybe that’s why they’re not marketing as the oldest. Who knows, here’s what we thought:

Dan – mouldy fermented cherries, molasses, corn husks
Simon – like a pile of grandparent mints melted together in a hot car
Bowick – maple, sweet
Ryan – almost nothing, tea

Dan – definitely mouldy, like socks after walking in the rain, spicy and acidic bile
Simon – like tea made through socks
Bowick – musty books, watery
Ryan – almondy

Dan – fuck your finish
Simon – burning pickup truck
Bowick – empty, unfulfilled
Ryan – smooth

Dan – same as neat just not as intense
Simon – very bad
Bowick – worse, like drinking basement puddle water
Ryan – n/a

Dan – 1.5/10
Simon – 1.8/19
Bowick – 2/10
Ryan – 1.4/10

Platte Valley 3y Straight Corn Whiskey – 40% 750ml – $4.00 – Missouri

Try it? No. Buy it? No.

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